Breaking up with your ex can be a terrible experience to go through, and after some time has passed you may well realise you you want them back, and need to figure out some strategies of how to go about doing exactly that. At this point though you do need to step back and realise that what you were doing at the end of the relationship was not the same as what you did at the beginning (quite clearly or you wouldn’t have ended up splitting up). So now is a good opportunity to re-assess what went well and what went badly and get to re-experience the magic of making up. In this article I am going to talk about one very important factor of that which is often glossed over by many get ex back style guides, but which actually lies at the heart of why you got together and why you eventually split up. Namely the subject of attraction. I am also going to discuss the biological imperative behind relationships and how you can turn it to your advantage by understanding it, and learning to press her evolutionary buttons.

So how does this emotional attraction stuff work to win her heart back without having to work too hard? Well it is instructive to first think of it in evolutionary terms, and think back to our humble ancestors in the caves, sharpening their spears and wondering where the next meal is going to come from. Even now, in terms of relationships our caveman friend is living in small tribal units where everyone knows everyone else, and every good thing that he does is known about by the community. Every faux pas that he makes is also known. In that type of small community is it any wonder that men would be rather shy to go and talk to the women? After all, if they are rejected then in a small tribal community where there is a limited supply of females, that could literally ruin their status to such an extent that they won’t get the chance to reproduce with a female again. So it is a big deal that they get it right and are very certain that their advances will be reciprocated.

The thing is that despite thinking that that is somehow in the past and that we don’t have to worry too much about what was true for cavemen (“Hey Dude! Haven’t you heard? This is the 21st Century!”). The truth is that in evolutionary terms nothing much has changed. And that whilst the meeting places may be fancier the techniques to win a woman back are surprisingly similar. In truth, when it comes to women we are still very much living in our animal skins standing at the mouth of a cave. Namely, that most men still have an enormous fear of rejection that is out of all proportion to the potential risks involved and that this is primarily grounded in biological mechanisms that cause us to have fears of the consequences of being rejected by women.

Now, where this is all leading to is the fact that your status with your ex is still very much dependent on your social status as she perceives it, and whether or not she thinks of you as a pack leader.  Now, of course, all of this communication is on the subconscious level. She isn’t going to come out and say any of that, or even think it. And most women would deny what I am saying is true. But the reality is that women are hard wired to be more attracted to dominant, assertive guys. You aren’t literally going to bash her on the head, tell her that you are her tribal leader, and that you are whisking her off back to your cave. (Sounds fantastic! I wish it worked!) But what you are going to need to do is to re-connect with the primitive attraction part of her that you triggered all those moons ago when you first went out.

To do that you need to think back first of all to when you first met. Give some thought to the circumstances of your first meeting and what exactly happened to get her attracted to you. Was it something you said? Was it something you did? Was it something instinctive? Now, you may think that you can’t remember this, but if you close your eyes and re-create the scene in your mind’s eye like you are re-running a clip from a movie, then it is amazing quite how many of the specific details you will find that you will be able to recall. Now, once you have some of the specifics then it is time to move forward. Seize on those elements that you can associate with early attraction and start pressing those same buttons in her again. Soon enough the biology of attraction will see her back in your arms :-)

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